February 14 is Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018. In response to the many, too many chocolaty and honey-like phrases inspired by the tenth muse Perugina, I publish below an original selection of cynical aphorisms, funny phrases, jokes and tweets on Valentine’s Day, the Feast of lovers.
February 14 – Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
Today Saint Valentine died, a Christian martyr of the III century. He was beheaded for his faith. Or mauled by singles, according to another version.
This Valentine’s Day, surprise your woman with a very special gift: the history of the websites you’ve surfed on.
(violencevintage, Twitter) Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
At Valentine’s Day, give your partner access to your smartphone all day … Then let’s see if you’re still together on February 15th. Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
– Valentine’s day celebrations?
– I am atea.
For Valentine’s Day we do a fundraising to pay for a professional archery course in Cupid.
On February 14th, more lies are told than on April 1st.
(Anonymous) Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
Valentine’s Day is for those people who do not have enough imagination to be romantic for the rest of the year.
According to a recent study, if you change all the 16 letters of “Happy Valentine” you can read “Che palle che festa”.
(Fabrizio Caramagna) Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
He: ok, it’s SanValentino, but why should I pretend I do not care? She: well, do it out of respect for those who for years pretend orgasm.
Given the coincidence between Valentine’s Day and the Carnival period, the lovers will dress up as a happy couple.
(sissetta80, Twitter) Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
A man waiting for Valentine’s Day to treat his woman as a queen is doing something wrong in the other 364 days of the year.
– Valentine’s day? It is the typical consumer party of multinational companies. Love is shown day by day.
– Did you forget to buy the gift?
– Yes. Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
Valentine’s Day is coming. It’s never too late to leave.
Valentine’s Day is the day when lovers of married women feel very alone.
(david_isayblog, Twitter) Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
Happy Valentine’s Day to singles who have had the courage to close a story without a future.
Initially Valentine’s Day was February 13th, but then it was moved to February 14th to leave women the time to put on makeup and get ready to go out.
(RomainCheylan, Twitter) Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
Soul Gemella, possibly a beautiful presence that can make me laugh, very sweet. Only for Valentine’s Day wanted. Possible extension.
– What are you doing on Valentine’s Day?
– If I can get it, I’ll hit him.
(Rubinomauro, Twitter) Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
On Valentine’s Day could you give me some Baci Perugina with a romantic check instead of a romantic note?
If you think your girlfriend has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes.
Valentine’s Day and Carnival are the same thing. People put on a mask and pretend to be what they are not.
Love is in the air at Valentine’s Day? Mistaken. Nitrogen, oxygen, argon and carbon dioxide are in the air.
(Sheldon Cooper) Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
I do not understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think of something romantic, the last thing that comes to mind is a baby cap and fat guy who points the weapon at me.
According to a survey, the majority of women would like to receive a marriage proposal on Valentine’s Day. And the same poll reveals that the majority of men would like to do it on April 1st.
For Valentine’s Day I will offer my girlfriend a weekend in Rome. But I will probably go to Paris.
Long live equality between men and women. Except when it comes to paying the bill at the restaurant in the evening of Valentino, of course.
It is expected that Americans will spend $ 13 billion for Valentine’s Day. While those who have forgotten that it is Valentine’s Day will spend over 100 billion!
But which bundles of red roses, but what bouquets of mammals !? Listen to me: bunches of shoes. This is the unconfessable desire of every woman!
For Valentine’s Day, my girlfriend gave me a wonderful gift: she had menstruation.
Valentine’s Day and the crisis, the perfect Italian party: red dress for her, count on the green and white evening for him.
After the infamous “What are you doing at New Year” is going to get the other question to shake your wrists “What the gifts on Valentine’s Day?”
As a good sociopath, this year I will celebrate Sanremo and watch Valentine’s Day.
I know roses are expensive, but $ 120 for a dozen roses? It’s a lot of money for a plant that you can not even smoke.
Given the success of the Perugina kisses, we are about to launch the Giuseppina kisses on the market, dedicated to established couples: inside there will be little cards with phrases like “Changed the pajamas”, “Stop snoring”, “Take the trash”.
(Leonardo Manera New Year Messages 2018 )
Soon it is Valentine’s Day or as the Latin called “Do ut des”.
Valentine’s Day is to remind lovers that they are in love, to singles who are alone and to me that I do not give a shit.
“Come on Signor Narciso, we kept the usual table for her and her mirror.”
(Lia Celi, Twitter)
Valentine’s Day is in a few days. So, if you’re secretly in love with yourself, it’s best that you discover it right away.
Valentine’s Day is like Christmas: gifts from a man who does not exist.
Valentine’s Day for Her: “Candlelit dinner?”. Valentine’s Day for Him: “Dinner and then smorzacandela?”
Have you already said the wedges on February 14th at smartphone light?
Valentine’s Day is decapitated.
It is consistent.
When you are in love, you often lose your mind.
Valentine’s Day is also the party of ‘she and she’ and ‘him and him’.
But what Valentine’s Day! Lately open relationships are in vogue lately. He opens his wallet, she opens her legs.
For Valentine’s Day, give yourself an orgasm, it’s always nice
For Valentine’s Day I gave a Desigual dress to my girlfriend, but she ripped it off. He thought it was the gift box.
Do you want to surprise your girlfriend on Valentine’s Day? … introduce your wife!
I wanted to make this Valentine’s day really special. So I tied my boyfriend with handcuffs to the bed. And for 3 hours I saw everything I wanted on TV.
Love has been a wonderful woman by your side for nine years who hates Valentine’s day more than she hates the smell of sweat.
I have just discovered that SanValentino anagrammato is “‘na sveltina no?”
Today is Valentine’s Day or – as men prefer to call it – the Day of Extortion.
Valentine’s Day originally was born as a custom to recycle mon cherì and red decorations advanced from Christmas.
You can not love the day of San Valentino, unless you are:
– madly in love
– the owner of Perugina
– a Pakistani
In eight days it’s Valentine’s Day. What is a sofa?
(UnMojitoThank you, Twitter)
Leghorn couples celebrate Valentine’s Day with a burping contest, and it’s the only day in which girls are left to win.
I would like to offer a few words of consolation to the millions of brave singles who are forced to feel like bankruptcy for the entire month of February only for having preferred dependency on codependency and freedom to that business structure made of sex in exchange for security we have learned to define marriage.
How am I going to spend Valentine’s Day? Naked, sitting on the floor with a bottle of whiskey in his hand, singing Adele songs to my cat.
I am in favor of moving Valentine’s Day to February 30th.
I am so unlucky in love that on the note of my kiss Perugina there was written “I have a headache”.
SMS: “Love, wear something that I like tonight”
Ok, I’m happy, I’m covered with Nutella.
At Valentine’s Day the thought is enough, and this year I thought not to give you anything.
The spontaneity of gifts on Valentine’s Day is equal to the laughter of the audience at the appearance of the “laugh” sign.
According to a poll, the perfect movie for Valentine’s Day is Pretty Woman. Because basically it’s what men want: a professional who eventually gives it to you for free.
After seeing the prices of the soft toys in the shape of a heart, I decided to give my girlfriend a scalpel: “Toh! Take it! ”
He: SanValentino is just an invention of Perugina. She: ok, then the doggie is a mythological animal invented by Hatù.
Valentine’s Day, golden business for pharmacies. The best-selling item? The hand cream that they take care of, popular with singles.
I bought a pair of gloves as a Valentine’s gift to my love: best wishes!
In these months I have learned to love me more and more. Now there remains a problem: what do I get for Valentine’s Day? Funny Valentines Day jokes 2018
Instead of giving the usual Perugian kisses this year for Valentine’s Day buy the pants with aphorisms.
Another Valentine’s Day and the shops still have not understood that they would do business of gold by putting the razor blades next to the chocolates
Tomorrow on Valentine’s Day, there will be hands clasping as the hearts turn their backs. #VperValentine
Happy Valentine’s Day to you that with the sun or with the rain you’re always with me. I love feeling you on the skin, the warmth you give me.
I love you pajamas.
– Love, for Valentine’s Day I’ll take you out for dinner.
– Look, I’ll give it to you anyway.
– Well, then, portrait.
– And me too.
Let’s not forget that this year too, for Valentine’s Day, some will have to be content with the Caritas restaurant.
Today is Valentine’s Day. And if you’re engaged and you’ve just discovered it now, know you’re in trouble.
Tip for Valentine’s Day: take her to Venice, let her take a ride on a gondola and on the most beautiful from the box with a vaginal ring inside
Grandparents’ Day, Mother’s Day, Women’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Day of the Dead. The florists lobby is really powerful.
Rather than celebrate Valentine’s Day, I let myself be caressed by a semi-truck.
9 million roses are sold on February 14th. 25 percent of these arrive from Kenya. The Kenyan companies employ half a million people: the pay is a dollar a day and there is no health care in the greenhouses.
This year I gave my girlfriend the gift for the next Valentine’s Day. I gave her a packet of seeds. In this way he can grow roses in his old way.
Christmas with yours, Easter with whomever you want, Valentine’s day alone like dogs.
Valentine’s day. The park is full of clandestine couples who are forced to spend the evening with their spouse tonight.
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